Mad Hotness, Dog
by IamInferior
Summary: This a fic for real niggahs.


**Author Notes:** The crossover no one was asking for but that you got anyways.

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Who was this fair angel gracing him with her presence? She was like a porcelain doll, a snowflake in spring. Of course, she was to be his. All perfect and good things were his by right. He puffed himself up. To be honest, her height was almost unnervingly great. He was not a short man, but certainly, the people this amazon came from had to be of great height. She still wasn't talking. How odd. Was she mute? Perhaps she was just a demure sort of girl. Perhaps she would thaw if he introduced himself.

"Greetings. I am Emperor Napoleon I of France," said Napoleon, bowing.

She continued to be silent. Apparently this woman could only communicate in hand gestures. So be it! Destiny favored the bold, and he was the man of destiny!

He strode boldly forward, seizing her around the waist and planting a deep kiss on her mouth. His tongue explored the depths of her luscious and tender mouth like a halfling anal spelunker exploring the depths of a Balor's anus. His fingers traced the curves of her alabaster skin like a young DeviantArtist tracing the lines of another picture. He stared into the blue pools like they were some metaphor for some deep, profound, and probably incomprehensible thing. Let's go with Hegel. He stared into the blue pools of Elsa's eyes like they were the writings of an old German man ranting about synthesis. Synthesis of their two bodies. Into one. One naked one. That's sex.

Also, things began to make sense. A special institution? Mute? Gestures? Clearly, she was one of the noble mimes!

Elsa stared back into his eyes and he felt like they had made a real connection. It had only been a minute, but this was true love probably. Then Elsa stared back at his pants and he felt like they had made a real connection again. Then Elsa pulled down his pants and Napoleon yelped.

"Mademoiselle! Don't you think that's a little too forward," protested Napoleon.

Elsa ignored him, pulling off his undergarments and seizing his penis.

"Not my Eiffel Tower! Sacre bleu!" shouted Napoleon.

Elsa pumped his shaft faster and faster, the raw shock of it flowing up to the Emperor's face, turning him beet red.

"Stranger danger! Stranger... danger! Hon... hon... hon! Hon! Hon! HON HON HON!" panted Napoleon.

Elsa continued her frenetic work. Faster and faster the pumping went, like the pumping of federal funds out of public works and straight into a corrupt official's pocket. But even faster than that!

"Achh! Bad touch, bad touch! Arghhhh, baguette! BAGUETTE!" screamed Napoleon as he ejaculated.

He began to cry. A judging, sanctimonious clucking came from outside. Suddenly, the room was bathed in sunshine as Bismarck threw open the doors. He was wearing a hat that said "TOP KEK" and dark sunglasses. His lips were curled in a smug smirk.

"Poor Napoleon. Let a real man show you how it's done. Jadwiga, give me a beat!" ordered Bismarck.

Jadwiga, King of Poland, sighed. Then she cupped her hands to her mouth and began to beatbox.

"Yo, yo, yo!  
They call me Bismarck cuz marks are DE money  
I roll in the Reich and I roll in fly honeys  
I come from the future and you come from the past  
But 100% we both getting DAT ASS

Yeah, double penetration  
Because I'm running Deutsch nation  
Let's do it like Belgians, I'll invade your lowlands  
Split you with my dick just like you was Polan

You'll suck at my dick just like Russian muds  
My flow is a river, it comes out in floods  
White Russians or Red, that's codename for head  
The Imperial Diet is slang for my bed

Rolling deep in the bitches and deep in the bling  
My ruler's a Kaiser while losers serve kings  
My Panzer's a Panther, your pussy's the thing  
So climb my liberty bell and let freedom ring

Bigger than Britannic, time to ride the cruise linah  
My map of Africa is in your vagina

Word."

Bismarck dropped the scepter he was holding. Clearly, his love rap had the intended effect. The fair maiden had been stunned into silence. He was a born lady-killer. Now it was time for him to deploy his hyperweapon.

There was a sudden bright flash before he could strike, however.

"Gendarme, I choose you!"

"GeeeeennnnnDARME!" shouted the armored man as he burst from the tiny ball.

Bismarck gasped. It was the legendary Europemon trainer and king, Louis XIV.

"Yes, it is I, legendary Europemon trainer and king, Louis XIV," said Louis XIV.

He was the only one to face down all the gym leaders of the Augsburg league! He defeated the Elite Fjord!

"Yes, I was the only one to face down all the gym leaders of the Augsburg league! I defeated the Elite Fjord!" said Louis XIV. "And now I travel through time, righting wrongs and fighting evil, hoping the next jump will be the one back home."

"What are you doing here?" asked Bismarck.

"I have terrible news. That woman is no woman," said Louis XIV, striking a fabulous pose and pursing his lips while clicking his high heels together. He flexed a bit.

"You mirin'?" asked Louis XIV.

"But what were you saying?" asked Bismarck.

"Oh, yes. She's a VAMPIRE!" said Louis XIV. Then he used his sun laser beams that he possessed as the almighty Sun King to blow up Elsa, for vampires cannot survive sunlight. Did I have sunlight already? I don't remember.

Anyways, everyone had a big gay orgy and it was awesome. Because Jadwiga was a King, she counted a man too. A female gay.

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**Author Notes:** btw i came buckets


End file.
